emojojo

well.. today is quite a bad day.. i sold my 8800gt and somehow it sparked a self-pity internal spat.. firstly, it sux bcoz once it starts, its very hard to stop. secondly, there is no real way to stop it or feel good after tt bcoz the fact is there are parts of my life tt suck more than the rest and it will always come right back to my face..

it's really sad but true. for my entire life so far, i am stuck at the low-end of stuffs. from graphics card to handphone to clothes.. i just realised in my entire life, i have never bought a handphone that i actually wanted.. in my entire life, i have never bought a first hand mp3 player that i wanted.. once i hit secondary school, i have never asked my parents to buy a single luxury item.. from handphone to computer to clothes to mp3 player to speakers to earphones to books, i bought every single item myself..

ok.. after rabbling so much.. my point is, when i see ppl arnd me.. driving their parents cars, managing to persuade their parents to buy that iphone for them.. or simply buying a new wardrobe for them.. it makes me envious.. its hard to hide it but so far i always manage to do so.. but there will be occasional periods of weakness like today..

i duno y but i guess im gonne be stuck to the low end of things for another few years.. sometimes i yearn to be just in an average family.. spare me from all this troubles.. y is it that the problems i face are so diff from other 21 yr olds.. they worry abt whether they can go overseas uni, they worry if their pocket money will be enuff to let them eat fast food everyday, they worry if their parents will upgrade their com for them.. and yet here i am, slapped with problems that even adults cant solve.. but then again, its not tt my parents dun try.. one of them is trying very hard.. so hard that it makes me worry.. but sometimes, its just beyond them.. aye..

ok, it definitely feels much better now.. now all i hafta do.. is to suck everything up.. suck it all up like i always do.. treat like i am perfectly fine.. and try to tink that if i work hard, tings will change eventually.. well, it can never change fast enuff..

Nearing the end

I am nearing the end of my NS liability. After 1 year, 9months and 24 days, i am finally finally finally going to be able to be addressed as Mr Chua.

As a recruit, i had a brilliant time. As a OCS Trainee, i went through things i never thought possible. Then at Tekong, i took up responsibilities which i would have shirked away before i entered army. As a person, i have grown and as a worker, i have improved.

At the island, i was exposed to alot of facets which are similar to that of the corporate world. Arrow-shooting. arrow-siaming, credit claiming and many more. The worst is getting your effort and achievement undermined. Despite all the lows, i can safely say i learnt quite a fair share.

As i leave the island with my pink IC, it is with pride that i have achieved what i set out doing. Which is to make full use of my 1yr and 10mths. i can assure myself that i couldnt have done any more than what i have done.

i hate NS for putting my civilian life to such an abrupt halt for so long. but then again, i am thankful because it has shaped and moulded me into a much better person. Bye army.. bye conscription.. bye bye good pay.. hi freedom! hi frugal lifestyle!