knockin

aye, i have never known that knockin on a door can be that tedious on the mind and soul.. for 2yrs, i have been knockin on the same door, harbouring a hope that one day it will open up and let me inside.. even for juz a cup of tea.. for 2yrs, i juz kept knockin even when the odds r stacked up high against me.. i never really knew what was it like to be tired.. even when it slammed right into my face, after cursing and going mad, i pulled myself up and insisted on knocking on that door.. careful that i dun knock too hard or too soft.. but now, after 2yrs of knockin.. my knuckles r bruised.. my wrist r sore.. fatigue is slowly overcoming my arms.. and yet, i still want to keep on knocking.. am i dumb? or juz determined..